The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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