I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
