God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
