You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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