you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
