I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
