so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize