they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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