I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
