ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
