she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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