Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
