If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
