i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
