Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize