From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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