i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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