Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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