Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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