I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize