Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
