They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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