Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
