My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
