she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
