So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
