Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
