i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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