how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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