Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
