Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my vagina is haunted
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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