she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
