when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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