We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Girls should come with a carfax report
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize