rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize