i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
