She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
