how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
