All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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