Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
