What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
