I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
