you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
