My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize