If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize