Non-Jews are for practice
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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