the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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