there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
