I cannot find my penis.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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