she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
