Don't you send me to vm
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize