Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
