If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
