Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
