My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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