I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
