i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
