Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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