Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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