I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
