i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
