i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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