Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
