they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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