I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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