I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
