well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just invented taco cereal.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
