Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
