omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
